Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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