Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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