i just google imaged poop.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
