Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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