just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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