Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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