Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
