I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
