I wish my penis had an off switch
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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