it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
