yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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