I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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