tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
