She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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