I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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