wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
