then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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