My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
