who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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