I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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