apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
