ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
