jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
