last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
