Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
