he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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