your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
