She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
