3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
