i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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