i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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