I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
