She said her name was "party"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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