i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
