things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
