remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
