OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
