I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize