Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.