Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
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she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
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i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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