nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
