her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.