put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem