I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
my poor anus
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.