i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?