Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
nutella sex= disaster
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
