I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
