At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Go christen that room with your naked body.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize