I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I need to sanitize my soul.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize