She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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