she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Someone signed my nipple.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize