I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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