How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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