Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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