I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
