If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
