Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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