how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
