Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
