i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
