so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
