4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
