the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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