life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
