The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
